Happened two days ago...
This is the most absurd shit I know of happening to anyone I (personally) know, ever. For the record, I actually take pride in being a particularly rational person, so the chances of this actually happening to me are astronomical. Yet it did.
A few months ago I met a really cool, fun, beautiful girl, and things very quickly developed into us becoming friends with benefits. Best sex of my life, would bang again. This went on for a couple of months. I was always keeping myself pretty distant, unaffectionate outside of the bed, and eventually, after these couple of months, she announced she wants to start seeing someone seriously, ditched me, and went into a relationships. Seems like a pretty standard deal, right. Except, why was I keeping distant? Because of some unfortunate loose lines from her, and a coincidence or two, I started to seriously believe she was planning to kill me.
The beginning... First time we met, she casually said she has planned how she would proceed if she actually needed to kill someone, how to dispose of the body etc. No big deal, most everyone has probably thought of something like that at some point, for curiosity if no other reason. I thought nothing of it. A few weeks later, I'm at her house, and I was getting dressed up, ready to leave, as she was staring at me from the bed quietly for a long time. I ask "what?", and she replies "you know, you probably wouldn't even fit into a normal body bag if I tried to kill you." (I'm pretty tall) I shrug it off again and say something like just cut me into pieces or along those lines, again pushing it over as something casual weird-talk. She escorted me out of the house, I left, walked to my car, and sat inside. Then I suddenly started getting really weirded out. It occurred to me, that when we were lying in the bed, she wanted me to try out these party-poppers or whatever things, which is supposed to give me a temporary high feeling or something. I wasn't feeling like it though, so I skipped. She took it anyway. Then a bit later, as we were screwing, a sound of a car stopping and doors opening came from outside, really close by. She rushed to the window to look, probably to see if was her parents, since they were supposed to be out of the house for the day. Apparently the car was for some of the neighbors though.
Now. The line about me fitting into that bag, the popper, the car, those three things are the things that kept coming to my mind over and over again in the coming month and a half, for my demise. When I was sitting in the car, I had a really weird feeling of what was supposed to happen in that house. For some crazy reason, this scenario came to mind: She wanted to drug me with this popper thing (she would have had resistance to it), and some third party was supposed to join in at a certain time, which was the car, so she rushed to the window to signal for them to go away since I didn't take the drug... And when I was leaving she made this remark about fitting into a body bag. And I remember she talked of this topic the first time we met as well. I drove home feeling somewhat paranoid...
Next days we were still messaging, she's messaging me every day, sending photos and stuff. I play it cool, be polite, but not actively trying to prolong the chats. I even dropped conversations a couple of times, and almost never responded while at work. I was thinking, most people would not take this, and would just ditch me for that kind of treatment, but this one was not demotivated at all. She was extremely into me all the time, and I could not understand why she keeps going like that?
Anyway. The next weeks, we still met several times, and every time we met, at first I was feeling really nervous because I was spinning weird things in my head, but then while meeting, I quickly became extremely comfortable with her, she's sweet, fun, friendly, chatty as hell and really open. I would always snap out of it. Then later she would always slip something, usually during horny texting, something that could have a hidden simultaneous meaning, that would again send my mind back to that evening at her house, and I'm thinking again, why did she say that about the bag? Is this connected? She's just trying to make me feel comfortable, until she can lure me somewhere where she has everything set up? Then I again turn a bit distant in my interacting with her, spinning this uncomfortable feeling in my head... Until I meet her again, and feel really relieved again that it must all be in my head. She was even introducing me to her friends, I was constantly saying to myself what I'm feeling is INSANE, completely ridiculous. But, once your mind has figured some context, it will always find a way to make things fit in... Once, she invited me over, but I was so nervous, last minute I made up something about having other things to do and that I forgot to tell her, and instead I sat on the floor of my room with my laptop with lights turned off... Yeah, I was pretty paranoid for that particular moment there. Anyway. As I said, this back and forth went on for a while.
Then, a few weeks ago she suggested we go for a long weekend trip. I was all for it, as the previous weekend I had a really good time with her, and I had generally started feeling a lot better about everything (she didn't say turn-off things in a long time). We chat about the plans, she makes the reservations, trip will be in a few days, we say good night. And for the next few days before the trip she dropped suddenly completely silent... First day, I thought of nothing. Second day, odd. Third day, what the hell is going on... Previously she was literally messaging me every day. Now, only I was sending a few messages to her, generally about the trip, and she was only replying in really short, bare minimum responses. I was nervous as fuck. This is it. This is what she has been planning for. On the day of departure I didn't know what to think. Fifteen minutes before she came to pick me up, I wrote my laptop password on a piece of paper, and hid it under my pillow. If I disappear, somebody would find it. On my laptop I had hastily written of my suspicions and weird feelings and told who I am going with and to where (as to my best knowledge). I was feeling really nervous, I could have finally said fuck it, I'm not going and I'm ending it. But still, somehow I went with it. I'm not saying I was 100% sure something was going to happen, but enough that I felt a just-in-case was in order at least, if something is gonna happen she's gonna be screwed as well.
Well. Obviously nothing happened. Again I was convinced that the stuff in my head is completely retarded. The trip went great. Except for the fact that, at the end of the trip, she announced she wants to start seeing someone seriously. At first, I didn't even take her seriously. Just a week earlier she was all over me, after all. But nope. A week after the trip, she confirms it, its over for us, she has a guy in line already. Before the trip, she had went silent because she was already making friends with the new guy. So now we were to be friends at best, if even that.
Then it hit me. All the paranoid bullshit in my head were exactly that. Bullshit. I was thinking of what could have been, if I would have been normal, and shown real affection to her. The pushed-away feelings for her came down on me like a hammer. I felt like a massive god damn motherfucking idiot of all idiots. An amazing girl comes my way, never in my life has a girl been as into me as this one, and for whatever reason, my mind decided to come up with these fucked up things, made crazy connections, saw things where there are no things, and as a result everything went to shit for me. I was pretty depressed for a couple of weeks there... For the record, something like this has NEVER happened in my life, EVER, and I'm almost thirty now. The odds for something like this happening is beyond me, and I'm bitter as fuck it did. Why, I'll never know.
Of course, the story does not end here. The True Fuckup is yet to come.
Indeed, we stayed friends. We chatted occasionally. She was always really open with me, telling personal things. I really seemed to still matter to her. I really wanted to get the stuff that went in my head off my chest, as it was bugging me like hell. I wanted her to know why really things went the way they went. So last weekend, we finally met up for drinks and chats. During a previous messaging I had already told her I'm going to tell her something that is going to blow her mind.
After gathering some courage, I managed to tell her. Her reaction? She had a blast. She was stunned, but was laughing like hell, she could not believe it, and I could not believe she took it so well. We had a really great time, she opened up of some really personal things to me, things she felt she could not tell anyone else. She was going through some really hard stuff right now and had come under a lot of stress in a very short time. I was so relieved, it looked like we were going to stay really good friends after all. We went our ways and agreed we would still meet later some time for drinks and whatever. It was around 10pm. After that, I still went to meet some other friends for drinks. I come home late at night, really tired, slightly intoxicated, but happy.
I go to bed, open up our old messages to amuse myself with the conversation where I told her I'll tell her something really crazy tonight. It's like 3am. She comes online. Proceeds to tell me she's really freaked out by me. I try to calm her down. She says I'm nuts, it's too much for her to handle, says we can't talk nor be friends any more. I'm confused, I don't manage to say anything meaningful at this point. We say farewells and she blocks me. I'm stunned.
I felt absolutely miserable. I'm not going to the details of the personal things she told me, but had I known beforehand, I would never had told her. All that shit, and then even I stride along to join the club and pull one more rug under her feet. I was so fucking sad. Still am. She must've felt she can't trust anything these days anymore. In the morning hours, I sent her one final SMS since she blocked me elsewhere, saying I'm sorry, I didn't want this to happen, yada yada, if she wants to one day reconnect with me its up to her, and wished her all the best... But I have no idea if she had blocked me on SMS as well and ever received it. I don't know if it even matters.
Well, that's not all. There have been precious few moments in my life where I felt so utterly shit that I had to cry. This quickly proceeded to be the latest one, as I realized, that out of these past months, absolutely NOTHING good came out of. Not only I ended up feeling complete fucking miserable with the stuff that went down, but also made a wonderful person I cared about really upset when she was already having a really hard time, added to the fact that I could tell absolutely NO ONE about ANY of this. I just had a taste of the worst case scenario of telling someone, how could I tell a friend I was seeing someone, of whom I was thinking the things I was thinking? Actually writing a god damn farewell note, and still going with it? How fucked up would they think me to be? For everyone around me, its like this never happened, and here I am being fucking depressed seemingly for no apparent reason.
Until, today, a TIFU link appeared on the reddit feed since I am subscribed, and for a while it was my favourite subreddit of all time. And then I decided to make a throwaway...
Its funny how even telling to an anonymous audience makes me feel at least a little better. Thanks to anybody who happened to read it.
tl;dr Met a hot girl, became fwb, became paranoid as fuck because of a few silly lines and a coincidence and started thinking she's planning to kill me, kept meeting her anyway, she ditches me for some other guy, I confess to her what actually happened between us, she cuts me out of her life and I'm left thinking is this real life.
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Submitted by http://www.andro8.com
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