TIFU by having wine with sandwiches. (NSFW)

So my friends and I decided to play Cards Against Humanity over at someone else's house, a good mile away from my own.

Before this, I decide to buy some rose wine for myself, along with a bacon and cheese sandwich, plus some Dairylea Lunchables.

Now I am lactose intolerant. However, with me it fluctuates. Sometimes it's just a deathly fart, sometimes it's just one violent shot of diarrhoea, then I'm good. Often my stomach plays nice and just gives me cramps for a bit, then goes away. Hell, sometimes I don't even feel anything. It's a risk that I often take, since I'm rarely in a place where I can't reach the toilet in time.

It's getting late, and we all disperse back to our houses, walking through town together. It's 2am, so I thought the usual taxi rank will be empty, and the one by the nightclubs will be full so we walk the long way, checking the others. No dice. So we all split up and go our separate ways.

I suddenly feel a slight surge in my nether regions. Okay, shit. Literally. Need to call a taxi. NOW. So I try to run to the usual taxi place, clutching my sphincter desperately. Thankfully the town was empty as it was Sunday. I reach the rank, and my eye catches the sign for the trains station. AWESOME. I can use the toilets there. Locked. I can literally feel my bowels losing its grip ever so slowly.

So I got desperate. Right next to the train tracks are another set of tracks which terminate at this station, mostly for the steam train. Away from the cameras and kinda in the shadow. Being a short lass, I can kinda hide myself behind the platform and do my business. At this point I didn't care anyway, it was either shit in the train tracks or soil myself.

After the deed was done, I knew my panties were a lost cause. Thankfully, I wore shapewear shorts, so I wasn't fully going commando. But I've had to walk through the small train platform, quite drunk, plastic bag with rose wine and Coke in one hand, and desecrated knickers in the other. I binned the knickers, hoping to leave this behind me, and went home and wiped the shame off myself, both physically and mentally.

tl:dr, I'm lactose intolerant, diarrhoea hit me at a bad time and I had to a) shit in the train tracks and b) carry my shitty underwear through a station before finding a bin.

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