This did not happen today, but this is an authentic series of events that happened to me. Understandably, this has taken me a little while to feel comfortable to share. Please enjoy.
Last July I was on summer break from college. I spent much of the summer partying with friends from high school, but on one particular Friday night I went to my friend's house for a party. The party was fairly uneventful with the exception that I played way too many games of Snappa, also known as beer dice(a beer drinking game). We played for hours and I can't estimate the number of drinks I had.
I wake up the next morning in my bed at home with a splitting headache. I can barely open my eyes, I don't know what time it is, and I have no memory of coming home last night. That's when I realize it; I am also naked. This is not good, I always sleep in my boxers. I have on two previous occasions woken up nude without a girl after a heavy night of drinking in college. On both occasions I had peed in my dorm room.
I sit up, head still spinning, and spot an enormous wet spot on the carpet of my room near the door. "My mom is going to freak if she walks in" I think. I sneak out of my room, grab dirty towel from the laundry room, and cover the pee-spot with the towel. I crawl back into bed and doze off hoping my mom doesn't discover my lazy cleanup effort.
I don't know how long I fell back asleep for, but I hear the door to my bedroom open, and my mom softly calling my name. I don't roll over and pretend I am still asleep hoping she will leave and fail to discover my crime.
"(my name)! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" my mom screams. My mom rarely swears so I know she has caught me and I know I am in for a tongue lashing. "WHAT THE FUCK!!!" she screams again. I roll over and sit up to look at my mom, but I am immediately confused because she is not looking anywhere near my pee soaked towel in the corner.
It takes a moment for my hungover eyes to focus on what she is looking at, but when they finally do, my mom is staring at a white painted wooden chair I have at my desk. Sitting on this wooden chair is a single large, solid piece of human shit. (If you have not seen poop out of water, it looks considerably larger when removed from the toilet.) "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?!" She screams at me.
I sit there speechless, unable to formulate a single thought or response as to explain what I am looking at. I am still staring in utter bewilderment at this turd when my mom re-enters the room(I never saw her leave). She slams bleach and bathroom cleaner down on my desk. "CLEAN IT UP!!!" she shrieks at me. I never say a word; what could I possibly say to in any way make this situation better.
It has been a little over a year since this happened and the deep level of embarrassment has subsided. Since she brought the cleaner in to the room my mother has never spoken a single word of what she saw in that room that morning. She did not tell me dad, my siblings, or ever mention it to me again. She is a saint.
TL;DR: I woke up after blacking out from drinking scared I had peed in my room the night before when in fact I had taken a poop on my white desk chair which my mom discovered.
http://ifttt.com/images/no_image_card.png
Submitted by http://www.wapmaxi.com
No comments:
Post a Comment