TIFU by farting on the plane

The following story is 100% true and isn't something I've made up for this subreddit. Warning: the following content isn't suitable for children.

The obligatory "this didn't happen today", it actually happened last week. I work for a relatively large IT company so I'm often required to travel to work and to attend conferences. Aweek ago, I had to attend a technology conference in Kuala Lumpur, which meant I would be away from home for around a week. I went to the bathroom at Heathrow before departure as I had a particularly spicy burrito in the terminal, so I thought it was a good idea to cleanse myself. Six hours into the flight, my bowels began to throb and growl. I was sat inbetween two sleeping obese men, so asking them to let me out into the aisle was a no-arooni. I could feel it intensifying with every minute. To relieve some of the pressure, I released some of the potent gas, much to the dismay of every single person on board. It was gross! Yuck! It smelled of rotting sewage and eggs. Within minutes, everybody began sniffing, looking around to identify the culprit and whispering amongst themselves. The flight attendants began spraying air freshener in the aisles, and one of them said to the other "there's no need for that is there? What an awful fart!". Just when it couldn't get any worse, the authorative voice of the black pilot penetrated the silence. "Hmmm, there's been a significant disturbance in the cabin, we are going to have to turn back to London, me and FO McTharon feel the comfort of everyone on board is the most important aspect of flying after safety, so we will be turning back sorry". For the next six hours, all eyes were on me. The stench had obviously emanated from my area.

I was greeted by a mortifying sight upon landing back in London. Bomb disposal units and emergency vehicles lined the runway, their sirens ringing through the air. The plane grined to a halt. "Everybody stay in their seats!" shouted a group of SWAT as they stormed the plane. They were convinced that somebody had detonated some sort of gas bomb on the plane. The lasers on the guns shined through the cabin. Their efforts at finding the gas bomb were fruitless, so they left and we were allowed to disembark. I spent the next eight hours sat in a waiting room in Heathrow with 250 very angry people waitng for the next flight to KL. 'Sall good though, the guys who sat on either side of me high fived me for my impressing fart. Still embarrassing though!

Reddit, today I fudged up real bad!

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