Setting - Locomotive, the toilets in a engine are similar to a airplane but worse. But anyways.
Also usually a train runs with two engines on the head end (front), you never use the shitter in the front engine for a dump, neither yourself or the conductor want to smell that shit (literally).
Story - So normally ones avoids having to take a shit in the locomotives cause the washrooms are gross, and you gotta do the good ole standing squat shit. But today for lunch I had eaten some ham & bean soup. Delicious... But a poor choice for a 12 shift on a train. So the time comes, and I grab a crew pak and walk to the second engine. A crew pak is a little sealed bag that has some napkins, small roll of TP and importantly later on 2 kinds of wipes. 4 wipes are merely soapy or whatever. 2 of them are 90% alcohol antiseptic wipes.
As I'm sure you've figured. I did my business, wipe my ass with the cheapo 1-ply from crew pak. But I decide to use one of the soap wipes just for extra measure. let's be honest this was a full on bean induced massacre, and I had used a fair amount of TP and my butthole was kinda raw already from wiping with such Crappy Rough toilet paper.
So it's dark out and cramped but I grabbed the first wipe packet tear it open and proceed to ensure my asshole is sneaky clean.
Let me tell you 90% antiseptic wipes are not a pleasant feeling on your raw balloon knot. In fact it only increased that burning pain tenfold.
Tldr - took a bean induced shit on a train and mistook the antiseptic alcohol wipe for the soap wipe when ensuring a clean butt after.
EDIT - on mobile apologize for any errors.
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Submitted by http://www.andro8.com
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