Okay so me and girl I met at a bar last night were hanging out at her place to smoke a couple of bowls and some wine I brought (because clearly I'm one classy dude). Over thing led to another and we ended up playing 'The floor is lava' naked.
I lose and while she's taunting me from above I pulled her down so she was on her knees, straddling my face. I then let out a maniacal laugh and said "Now you're dead too." and then started to munch away.
I licked and nommed on her till she was good and wet and she slid back and sat on my cock. She started to grind a bit and she leaves down and said "Man you know how to use your mouth.". And for some inexplicale (aka weed and shiraz induced) reason I whispered back "Of corse I am...", put on my best creepy face, and wispered "... I'm the clam man..."
More inexpicably (weed, wine) still, his causes her to laugh her ass off on top of me.
This leads to a two fold TIFU:
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She doesn't have the best bladder control while laughing. I was full on R. Kelly'ed. It stained her off whiteish sheets to a I-just-took-a-vitamin, mountain dew yellow. She is understandably very embarrassed.
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The clenching of her vaginal muscles felt good. Like really, penis spurtingly good. Oh, did I mention I got so preoccupied at the store picking out the perfect wine that I forgot to pick up some condoms.
TL;DR: Stoned. Drunk. Laid. Made her laugh. Discovered my piss fetish. Apoplectic1 Jr. possibly on the way. Girl freaking. Accidently left my undies there.
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