This happened last Cinco de Mayo, so in the spirit of the anniversary, here's how things went downhill fast. Last year when Tinder was new and fun I made an account and started accumulating matches. Skip ahead to cute girl who I match with that we'll call Sara. Sara lives about an hour away and we make plans to meet at her place and go get some food to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Perfect recipe to get a little tipsy and have some fun. So I'm not completely wasted, I decide to order a sampler of taquitos, tacos, chips, and a few other things I can't remember. Fast forward a couple hours and we're ready to go back to her place for fun tinder things.. You know. Everything goes fine and I wake up in her bed the next morning, not wanting to have driven home drunk, it seemed like a smart move. This is where it gets ugly
Having been drinking the night before, I carefully slide out of bed to go to the bathroom which is across the hall. At this point, it was just a long pee from drinking, but I noticed my abdomen was pretty distended, which is strange because my abs are normally flat. I slide back into bed and try to go to bed when my stomach starts to ache a bit. I brush it off thinking it's just being hungover and eating like crap all night. A few more minutes and it hits me That I need to take a dump... And it isn't going to wait. I ninja slide out of the bed, careful to not wake her and get in the bathroom and immediately light a candle and blast the fan. As Montezuma would have on Cinco de Mayo, his revenge was fast and brutal. After pissing out of my ass for several minutes I feel disgusting already, so I decided a shower was the best choice. I shower up, feeling cleaner, but my stomach seems to have gotten even bigger since round 1. I dry off and slip back into bed and close my eyes. A few minutes pass and the stomach is roaring and is getting quite painful. I leap out of bed, waking her at this point, and run to the bathroom. Fortunately, my buttcheeks hit the toilet seat just in time, unfortunately, my body decides I have to puke at the same time. Reaching for anything to throw up in, I puke into the lit candle and manage to get the rest in the sink, which was reachable distance if I leaned far enough off the toilet. After settling down a bit, I shower again and go back to her bedroom where she's awake. I explain I'm not feeling well and try to play it off and keep her out of the bathroom. That didn't work so well.
Round 3 hits me, more puke this time than anything and no water or medicine is staying down. Eventually there was nothing but stomach acid and foam coming up and it would be difficult to breathe for minutes at a time as the dry heaving and vomiting happened with more frequency. Eventually according to her I passed out on her floor, likely from dehydration and lack of oxygen.
When I open my eyes I'm in the back of an ambulance and sit up to see Sara driving in the car behind the ambulance. It's at this point I realize I've destroyed this girls bathroom and am getting a nice hospital visit out of it. Once I recover, I stay the night to feel better before driving home.
The best part is you think I wouldn't get a second date, but it was after the second date that she stopped talking to me.
Pardon any format mistakes, still new to all this.
TL;DR Ate Mexican on a tinder date, slept over, shit and puked and destroyed her bathroom, ended up in hospital.
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