Alright so I posted this a while ago, but because it wasn't the weekend it got deleted and most of the Fuck ups have been blows jobs lately, so I thought I'd try again.
So my friend Dave's parents were heading out of town, my friends and I were pressuring him to host a party while they were gone. Finally after convincing him we would do all the clean up afterwards and ensuring there would be a solid turn out (we weren't the coolest of 19 year olds), he agreed to have it.
The party was a complete success, there were women, everyone got shittered, nothing broke and it was overall a great time. The party ends at around 3am and my friends Tom, Glen and I are cleaning up as promised. Flash forward an hour and Tom heads out to the 24/7 convenience store because his drunken self is starving. Glen is wondering around looking for Dave and I am completely drunk and begin to pass out somewhere on the kitchen floor.
I hear Glen banging on a door and trying to open/break it down. I head upstairs and Glen believes Dave is passed out in the bathroom. The fuck up? We unlock the door. The first thing that hits us is the smell. I have never smelt anything that bad in my entire life, I begin to gag on the spot and feel the alcohol in my stomach churn. In the bathroom, passed out, is the biggest fucking black naked guy I have ever seen, along with shit everywhere. And I mean everywhere! The sink, the tub, the floor, the wall, toilet set. Everywhere, mixed with vomit and spilled alcohol. The smell and scene are too much and Glen and I book it downstairs.
We start freaking out, who the fuck is this guy? You clean up that shit! What is Dave gonna do? Wait where is Dave? And then we hear it. Footsteps walking around upstairs, I guess our yelling woke him up. Glen crawls to the top of the stairs trying to stay hidden and see's him walking into a bedroom. Dave's bedroom. We quickly follow. The guy grabs the white covers on the bed which reveals Dave passed out underneath like a proper drunk. Glen says " fuck, why didn't I look for him in his room" We turn on the lights and see the man is also covered in shit and begins to lie down on the bed and cuddle with Dave. Just as he gets settled the man bolts upright, Glen says "You alright bro?" he replies "Gonna yak". I grab a garbage bin from the room and shove it infront of him. He grabs it, throws it at me, and vomits all over Dave's bed and wall. At this point Dave wakes up with a "Who the fuck..?" Glen and I grab him and run out of the room. The bathroom door has been left open and the smell is emanating throughout the house, I cant hold it down anymore and can feel the alcohol coming up and I can see and smell shit and vomit from everywhere. I run outside feeling like I am going to throw up and see Tom on the front porch sitting down eating a burrito. He takes the first bite and brown beef/beans squeeze's out all over his face. I fall on the floor vomit all over the porch.
Everyones drunk and tired at this point and nobody wants to clean the bathroom or go in the bedroom, so despite Dave's protest we call it a night. When we wake the man, and he doesn't remember anything. We explain to him what happened, he's actually a really nice guy and cleans up everything and buys Dave a new mattress because of the shit stains on it. I still regret opening that bathroom door and hope the stench doesn't stay with me forever. TL;DR. My friend had a party and some random naked guy shit himself all over the bathroom and my friends bed.
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