TIFU.. well actually this was yesterday but it's been within 24 hours so I'm counting it as today.
Anyway, I was down in South Carolina for a fun work convention. I was enjoying my days there, but didn't get to see much of Charleston. Yesterday was our last day. We checked out of the hotel at 11, and didn't have to be at the airport until 4.
Okay, cool. There are some cool old military bases down there, so we thought we'd go check out Fort Moultrie. It was pretty cool. Giant cannons, old gun powder rooms, etc. I enjoyed it, and it was definitely worth the $3 admission.
Anyway, we go straight from Fort Moultrie to the Charleston Airport. Return the rental car, and get in line for TSA. I like those full body scanners because they're quick and easy, and dont... usually... require a pat down.
The full body scanner detected a "hot area" on my ass. The agent asked if I forgot anything in my back pocket, and patted it down. Nothing.
I had to step to the side and they swabbed my hand and put the swab in some weird machine. It beeped and a big red bar appeared that said "EXPLOSIVES DETECTED."... what the fuck. I was scared shitless. They tested my pants, same thing.
They pulled me even more to the side and one guy gave me a nice sensual feel down while another agent unpacked both of my bags, which were extremely tight, and tested several things for explosive residue. They didnt find anything, and I was released. The whole thing took ~20 minutes, and I got to my flight right as it was boarding.
Thank god nothing serious happened, but I was scared shitless the entire time.
So, here's a tip nobody else will tell you. Don't go to a military fort, where you'll be touching and sitting on things that have been around explosives, before going to an airport. Unless you want to experience the entirety of the TSA.
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